Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Short Attention Span

I miss appointments all the time. Important appointments.

All because I try so hard to go w/o using my Ritalin. But I'm again reminded that I must take it--even if I hate it; otherwise my life starts going to shit. You'll notice when I'm back on it because my entries will make more sense. They'll also be longer. And be punctuated better.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


My favorite show these days is "Heroes". I remember recently reading that superheroe movies have been the new succesful fad in Hollywood. It's the mood in the country, I guess; we're waiting to be saved. Are the problems too big?

My grandmother believes it's the end of days--no joke. She's waiting for the second coming of Jesus. It compells her every thought.

Meanwhile, others of us are relying heavily on Obama. Is he our superhero? Will he let us down? Will kindness and humanity win the struggle? Or will the world come crashing down on us?

Lately I've been feeling like I need to step up to the plate, be more of a hero everyday. I don't know.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Sometimes I think nostalgia is just that feeling you get when you've lost something. I picked up a book from and old series I used to read as a kid. They're the Anne of Green Gables books and I adore them. They never get old. What's weird is that those books, while extremely satisfying reads, also leave me with a somewhat empty nostalgia.

As a child I loved the books because the heroine was hilarious and also someone I could relate to:
-skinny and homely

The books tell her story from about age 11 all the way till she's in about her late '50s or early '60s. They are set in the late 1800's and early 1900's on Prince Edward Island in Canada. I've always been the type to get nostalgic about times that I never lived in, so when I first read the books I would become nostalgic for a childhood lived in those times.

Now, however, I not only feel that familiar nostalgia, but also the pangs of the memories that reading these books bring back of my own childhood. My mother and my best friend and I used to watch the Anne of Green Gables movies and we all read the books. We dreamt of lives and loves like Anne had and wondered what our own lives might someday become.

Sometimes I feel like life passed me by in so many ways. My childhood was, in many ways, very rocky. My teen years were ok, but dominated by a controlling and religious homelife. My early twenties were more fun...until I ended up pregnant, unhappily married and off track with my goals in school.

Now I'm in my mid twenties, hoping, I guess to recapture everything, to suck life in and enjoy every moment. I want it all. I want the house, the husband, the academic accomplishments and the amazing/fulfilling job that pays me oodles. Can I do it? I sure as hell am going to try. All the while I hope I can be the mother that my daughter needs me to be. I want things to be so different for her than they were for me.

I guess it's just tough for me that my own mistakes have led to a hurdle that my daughter will have live with. I hope she won't have all the dissatisfaction that I have dealt with in my life. I want her to feel good about her life and to accomplish everything she dreams of.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Those B*tches

It's a down day, for me lads. I've got a psychotic teacher who's got it out for me, and unfortunately, I have to just take it from her. It triggers my friggin' gag reflex to have to listen to this woman yell (Yes you heard right, she YELLS) at me in the classroom and say nothing back. I have no idea what her problem is. She's psycho. So anyway, I'm off to class to swallow down my anger and take it so she won't screw me out of my good grade.

Wish me luck, friends.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The One?

I found this dress for sale on ebay and couldn't believe my good luck! It met all the desires I'd had for a dress when I first started looking!





-Dropped waist, with sash at natural waist

And best of all:

-Under $500

-My size!

I can't believe my good luck. Tennesse (Fiancee) says that he's still got to pay paypal or something--here's hoping everything goes off w/o a hitch! I can hardly contain myself in waiting to try this dress on. Now I've just gotta drop a few pounds! Lol.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Gonna Get Married

Wedding planning has consumed my life.

Over the weekend my parents, groom and maid of honor helped stuff and address the engagement photos/announcements. It was a good time. We got to chat and get the ball rolling on wedding talk. I will be mailing the announcements out in the morning! We still have some missing addresses but the bulk of that portion is done. Mission (mostly) accomplished!

Next up--getting coordinated to try on some bridesmaid gowns. I want to get started on that now so that we toss around the first set of dress ideas together. I'd like to get a feel for the styles the girls favor and feel comfortable in, as well as to what their price ranges are. They may or may not be wearing matching style of dresses, which is something we have to discuss.

It's a crazy trying to get everyone coordinated. Of course, this wedding planning is a huge priority to me; unsurprisingly, everyone is busy with their own priorities. I'm slightly concerened about how everything is going to work because everyone is so busy. I have four attendants. My maid of honor is graduating this May (and very busy with all that + working on her thesis), going to Europe for a big chunk of the summer, and then moving to Ohio for grad-school early fall/late summer.

One of my bridesmaids lives hours away in the twin cities area, and another lives in California! My last bridesmaid is super shy and I'm worried that she won't speak up if she's dissatisfied. Oh, and she's on the hunt for colleges right now so she is rather busy. It's going to be a challenge to coordinate bridal showers and other gatherings where all the ladies will be able to attend.

Plus, as-of-yet, I have not nailed down a site. It's between the skating rink in a nearby lake town or my uncle's barn, also in in that town. I personally prefer the barn idea, but it will take some cleaning and we need to find out about city ordinaces regarding noise, parking, alcohol and firecodes. *sigh* We'll see--wish me luck!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Wedding Planning

Wedding Planning has begun. We've been tossing around ideas, and ALREADY there is drama. I don't know how we're going to reconcile everything. Jed and I are in agreement about wanting a Justice of the Peace to perform our wedding. We have pretty much decided on the Spiritual Center on campus.

We're both hoping his family will be ok with that, as they are devoutly Catholic, especially his mother and his grandmother. Of course in the end it's up to us, but we want our families' support. My family is...acting a little weird. They're happy and supportive, they say...but they also have issues with the fact that I'm getting remarried after being divorced--which really hurts me.

In any case, over all, I'm beyond excited. I just want the people I care about to join in the excitement with me. So far, Jed's mom has been amazing; I really hope that she will continue to be and that she will be supportive.

More planning...