Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Short Attention Span

I miss appointments all the time. Important appointments.

All because I try so hard to go w/o using my Ritalin. But I'm again reminded that I must take it--even if I hate it; otherwise my life starts going to shit. You'll notice when I'm back on it because my entries will make more sense. They'll also be longer. And be punctuated better.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Superheroes

My favorite show these days is "Heroes". I remember recently reading that superheroe movies have been the new succesful fad in Hollywood. It's the mood in the country, I guess; we're waiting to be saved. Are the problems too big?

My grandmother believes it's the end of days--no joke. She's waiting for the second coming of Jesus. It compells her every thought.

Meanwhile, others of us are relying heavily on Obama. Is he our superhero? Will he let us down? Will kindness and humanity win the struggle? Or will the world come crashing down on us?

Lately I've been feeling like I need to step up to the plate, be more of a hero everyday. I don't know.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Nostalgia

Sometimes I think nostalgia is just that feeling you get when you've lost something. I picked up a book from and old series I used to read as a kid. They're the Anne of Green Gables books and I adore them. They never get old. What's weird is that those books, while extremely satisfying reads, also leave me with a somewhat empty nostalgia.

As a child I loved the books because the heroine was hilarious and also someone I could relate to:
-orphan
-skinny and homely
-bookworm

The books tell her story from about age 11 all the way till she's in about her late '50s or early '60s. They are set in the late 1800's and early 1900's on Prince Edward Island in Canada. I've always been the type to get nostalgic about times that I never lived in, so when I first read the books I would become nostalgic for a childhood lived in those times.

Now, however, I not only feel that familiar nostalgia, but also the pangs of the memories that reading these books bring back of my own childhood. My mother and my best friend and I used to watch the Anne of Green Gables movies and we all read the books. We dreamt of lives and loves like Anne had and wondered what our own lives might someday become.

Sometimes I feel like life passed me by in so many ways. My childhood was, in many ways, very rocky. My teen years were ok, but dominated by a controlling and religious homelife. My early twenties were more fun...until I ended up pregnant, unhappily married and off track with my goals in school.

Now I'm in my mid twenties, hoping, I guess to recapture everything, to suck life in and enjoy every moment. I want it all. I want the house, the husband, the academic accomplishments and the amazing/fulfilling job that pays me oodles. Can I do it? I sure as hell am going to try. All the while I hope I can be the mother that my daughter needs me to be. I want things to be so different for her than they were for me.

I guess it's just tough for me that my own mistakes have led to a hurdle that my daughter will have live with. I hope she won't have all the dissatisfaction that I have dealt with in my life. I want her to feel good about her life and to accomplish everything she dreams of.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Those B*tches

It's a down day, for me lads. I've got a psychotic teacher who's got it out for me, and unfortunately, I have to just take it from her. It triggers my friggin' gag reflex to have to listen to this woman yell (Yes you heard right, she YELLS) at me in the classroom and say nothing back. I have no idea what her problem is. She's psycho. So anyway, I'm off to class to swallow down my anger and take it so she won't screw me out of my good grade.

Wish me luck, friends.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The One?



I found this dress for sale on ebay and couldn't believe my good luck! It met all the desires I'd had for a dress when I first started looking!

-Strapless

-Lace

-Knee-length

-Ivory

-Dropped waist, with sash at natural waist

And best of all:

-Under $500

-My size!

I can't believe my good luck. Tennesse (Fiancee) says that he's still got to pay paypal or something--here's hoping everything goes off w/o a hitch! I can hardly contain myself in waiting to try this dress on. Now I've just gotta drop a few pounds! Lol.