tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17881877273059446892024-03-13T12:54:18.291-07:00LollipopsBitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-85690867527629176712009-04-29T12:43:00.000-07:002009-04-29T12:47:04.452-07:00Short Attention SpanI miss appointments all the time. Important appointments.<br /><br />All because I try so hard to go w/o using my Ritalin. But I'm again reminded that I must take it--even if I hate it; otherwise my life starts going to shit. You'll notice when I'm back on it because my entries will make more sense. They'll also be longer. And be punctuated better.Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-38666259541149877222009-04-22T00:49:00.000-07:002009-04-22T00:59:41.175-07:00SuperheroesMy favorite show these days is "Heroes". I remember recently reading that superheroe movies have been the new succesful fad in Hollywood. It's the mood in the country, I guess; we're waiting to be saved. Are the problems too big?<br /><br />My grandmother believes it's the end of days--no joke. She's waiting for the second coming of Jesus. It compells her every thought.<br /><br />Meanwhile, others of us are relying heavily on Obama. Is he our superhero? Will he let us down? Will kindness and humanity win the struggle? Or will the world come crashing down on us?<br /><br />Lately I've been feeling like I need to step up to the plate, be more of a hero everyday. I don't know.Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-44888735521726740622009-04-14T14:55:00.001-07:002009-04-14T15:09:59.039-07:00NostalgiaSometimes I think nostalgia is just that feeling you get when you've lost something. I picked up a book from and old series I used to read as a kid. They're the Anne of Green Gables books and I adore them. They never get old. What's weird is that those books, while extremely satisfying reads, also leave me with a somewhat empty nostalgia.<br /><br />As a child I loved the books because the heroine was hilarious and also someone I could relate to:<br />-orphan<br />-skinny and homely<br />-bookworm<br /><br />The books tell her story from about age 11 all the way till she's in about her late '50s or early '60s. They are set in the late 1800's and early 1900's on Prince Edward Island in Canada. I've always been the type to get nostalgic about times that I never lived in, so when I first read the books I would become nostalgic for a childhood lived in those times.<br /><br />Now, however, I not only feel that familiar nostalgia, but also the pangs of the memories that reading these books bring back of my own childhood. My mother and my best friend and I used to watch the Anne of Green Gables movies and we all read the books. We dreamt of lives and loves like Anne had and wondered what our own lives might someday become.<br /><br />Sometimes I feel like life passed me by in so many ways. My childhood was, in many ways, very rocky. My teen years were ok, but dominated by a controlling and religious homelife. My early twenties were more fun...until I ended up pregnant, unhappily married and off track with my goals in school.<br /><br />Now I'm in my mid twenties, hoping, I guess to recapture everything, to suck life in and enjoy every moment. I want it all. I want the house, the husband, the academic accomplishments and the amazing/fulfilling job that pays me oodles. Can I do it? I sure as hell am going to try. All the while I hope I can be the mother that my daughter needs me to be. I want things to be so different for her than they were for me.<br /><br />I guess it's just tough for me that my own mistakes have led to a hurdle that my daughter will have live with. I hope she won't have all the dissatisfaction that I have dealt with in my life. I want her to feel good about her life and to accomplish everything she dreams of.Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-17909608234870342202009-04-08T15:51:00.000-07:002009-04-10T23:30:03.863-07:00Those B*tchesIt's a down day, for me lads. I've got a psychotic teacher who's got it out for me, and unfortunately, I have to just take it from her. It triggers my friggin' gag reflex to have to listen to this woman yell (Yes you heard right, she YELLS) at me in the classroom and say nothing back. I have no idea what her problem is. She's psycho. So anyway, I'm off to class to swallow down my anger and take it so she won't screw me out of my good grade.<br /><br />Wish me luck, friends.Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-30743300309613095182009-04-01T16:32:00.000-07:002009-04-01T16:38:56.820-07:00The One?<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SdP5u7b2naI/AAAAAAAAAB4/tdY456-GwFw/s1600-h/myweddingdress.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319870169478503842" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 289px" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SdP5u7b2naI/AAAAAAAAAB4/tdY456-GwFw/s400/myweddingdress.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><p>I found this dress for sale on ebay and couldn't believe my good luck! It met all the desires I'd had for a dress when I first started looking! </p><p>-Strapless</p><p>-Lace</p><p>-Knee-length</p><p>-Ivory</p><p>-Dropped waist, with sash at natural waist</p><p>And best of all:</p><p>-Under $500</p><p>-My size!</p><p>I can't believe my good luck. Tennesse (Fiancee) says that he's still got to pay paypal or something--here's hoping everything goes off w/o a hitch! I can hardly contain myself in waiting to try this dress on. Now I've just gotta drop a few pounds! Lol.</p>Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-13517776584262611692009-03-22T21:41:00.001-07:002009-04-01T16:43:31.818-07:00Gonna Get MarriedWedding planning has consumed my life.<br /><br />Over the weekend my parents, groom and maid of honor helped stuff and address the engagement photos/announcements. It was a good time. We got to chat and get the ball rolling on wedding talk. I will be mailing the announcements out in the morning! We still have some missing addresses but the bulk of that portion is done. Mission (mostly) accomplished!<br /><br />Next up--getting coordinated to try on some bridesmaid gowns. I want to get started on that now so that we toss around the first set of dress ideas together. I'd like to get a feel for the styles the girls favor and feel comfortable in, as well as to what their price ranges are. They may or may not be wearing matching style of dresses, which is something we have to discuss.<br /><br />It's a crazy trying to get everyone coordinated. Of course, this wedding planning is a huge priority to me; unsurprisingly, everyone is busy with their own priorities. I'm slightly concerened about how everything is going to work because everyone is so busy. I have four attendants. My maid of honor is graduating this May (and very busy with all that + working on her thesis), going to Europe for a big chunk of the summer, and then moving to Ohio for grad-school early fall/late summer.<br /><br />One of my bridesmaids lives hours away in the twin cities area, and another lives in California! My last bridesmaid is super shy and I'm worried that she won't speak up if she's dissatisfied. Oh, and she's on the hunt for colleges right now so she is rather busy. It's going to be a challenge to coordinate bridal showers and other gatherings where all the ladies will be able to attend.<br /><br />Plus, as-of-yet, I have not nailed down a site. It's between the skating rink in a nearby lake town or my uncle's barn, also in in that town. I personally prefer the barn idea, but it will take some cleaning and we need to find out about city ordinaces regarding noise, parking, alcohol and firecodes. *sigh* We'll see--wish me luck!Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-11783906188980532332009-02-22T15:13:00.001-08:002009-02-22T15:26:01.375-08:00Wedding PlanningWedding Planning has begun. We've been tossing around ideas, and ALREADY there is drama. I don't know how we're going to reconcile everything. Jed and I are in agreement about wanting a Justice of the Peace to perform our wedding. We have pretty much decided on the Spiritual Center on campus.<br /><br />We're both hoping his family will be ok with that, as they are devoutly Catholic, especially his mother and his grandmother. Of course in the end it's up to us, but we want our families' support. My family is...acting a little weird. They're happy and supportive, they say...but they also have issues with the fact that I'm getting remarried after being divorced--which really hurts me.<br /><br />In any case, over all, I'm beyond excited. I just want the people I care about to join in the excitement with me. So far, Jed's mom has been amazing; I really hope that she will continue to be and that she will be supportive.<br /><br />More planning...Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-53891554802962292252009-02-20T08:45:00.000-08:002009-02-20T08:50:23.830-08:00SchoolThings are rolling right along. I just got an A in a four credit class, and I'm pulling my weight in my online classes. I feel great about a paper I just turned in, and I'm over all feeling pretty amazing as a student this semester. The sad part is--I really could be putting in more of an effort...I could have all A's right now...and I don't. So new goal...get all my classes up to an A. Now that I have a laptop, this possibility is quite high, because I will be able to do homework at work! Yey.<br /><br />I'm so cool today.Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-71973096214325754252009-02-19T16:30:00.000-08:002009-02-19T18:14:55.282-08:00Hullo, beewteefoolI'm going to marry the man of my dreams. The hottest, most amazing, sweetest guy EVAR.<br /><br />*giggles*<br /><br />Yay for me.<br /><br />AND I got new laptop. Yup yup. Life is good....Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-38514924784865388882008-12-23T05:20:00.000-08:002008-12-23T05:37:06.011-08:00It's snowing like mad out there; one of those days right from the clay-mation Christmas specials of my childhood. I just got off work, and I'm thinking about the eminent holiday season.<br /><br />I've been crocheting hats hour after hour (just call me the mad hatter). The hats are my Christmas presents for various friends and family members. We leave tomorrow morning and I've still got laundry to do, along with some shopping and packing. Oh boy. I'll be crocheting on the drive there for sure-- not to mention tonight when I go to work!!<br /><br />I'm looking forward to the holidays with Tennessee's family, but not looking forward to making that drive with a three-year-old! We'll see how that goes; last time she threw up twice. EEK.<br /><br />This is the first time in a while that my focus for the holidays has been spending time with family. I'm making most of my gifts and I'm truly looking forward to a relaxed time with everyone.<br /><br />We spent an early Christmas with my family on Sunday. My mother gave me a necklace that says "Mother Daughter Friend". It's very nice, and shows how far we've come this year with our relationship. They got Tennessee a book on the history of math theories. He was happy.<br /><br />Anyway, I'm sure I won't be able to post over the holidays, so here's my Merry Christmas to all of you!!Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-85628829520182934382008-12-17T13:52:00.000-08:002008-12-17T14:19:23.256-08:00When I was younger I used to write for hours. I could write about anything, much the way I can always find something to talk out loud about. But these last few years of remaking myself have left me with a gigantic opened-mouth silence on so many things.<br /><br />When Obama was elected, I cried; honestly, I did. Not that I was bawling or anything--just a little watery-eyed. I meant to blog about it, but was completely overwhelmed once I was sitting down at that keyboard staring at the screen. How were there words to encompass what it meant to me? Besides the fact that he's a democrat and therefore stands for many things I agree with, the man himself is such a beautiful confluence of the things I'd always hoped for in a leader; he's reserved, thoughtful, intuitive, intelligent, well-spoken, well-mannered, level-headed, etc. Wow.<br /><br />We had a blizzard. I meant to blog about that too; But I could say nothing. Yet today, of all the random days, I'm finally able to write. Here I am and my fingers are <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">actually</span> moving non-stop. This little blurb will be finished in minutes, because I really didn't have much to say....but at least this time I could actually "say" it.<br /><br />I caught a glimpse of <a href="http://www.mtv.com/photos/?fid=1588325&pid=2988484">this girl</a> while skimming channels this past week at work. (It's <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">OK</span>, I work nights, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">after</span> all.)She's just the opposite for me. I'm seeking the online world because I want anonymity from what I look like, how I act in real life, what I do for a living, what people who know me think they know about me. For all those reasons it's been disturbing to not be able to freely 'speak' on this blog.<br /><br />I don't miss my old blog. It was just the rantings of my rather whacked out brain at the time. It served its purpose. This blog is something else entirely. Bare with me as I figure it out.Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-89149403993343375502008-12-10T21:09:00.000-08:002008-12-10T21:13:04.583-08:00Today I'm going to crochet. Yippee!!Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-81365021627351335172008-11-26T19:31:00.000-08:002008-11-26T19:42:13.630-08:00Most of life is discovery, from that of the self, to that of the world. Still, I feel a little behind the works. I don't even know what kind of music I like. I feel like some kind of dead person, or something; there's just not a whole lot of music that gets my blood pumping. There's specific albums that I like, by Alanis, My Chemical Romance, Queen, Amy Winehouse, Garbage, and, recently, a variety of metal and folk bands.<br /><br />Still. There isn't a "type" that gets me lubricated, you know?<br /><br />In any case. I'll keep working on it, and keep you posted. Recommend your fave bands, plz.Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-67007975439914249632008-10-25T10:35:00.000-07:002008-10-25T11:06:56.860-07:00Famous Co-OperatorsWritten history gives us very little about the lives of women through time, and I find myself musing over what their lives may have been like.<br /><br />My favorite fiction novels were/are about women, from the Anne of Green Gables series and Jane Austen novels of my adolescence to the light-hearted chick-lit I read today. In fact, I find it difficult to read fiction from a male perspective. It's kind of weird.<br /><br />But back to the point, I wonder what life was like for the women of the past. I wonder what it was like for women before history was even written. I wonder how they gave birth, what they used for birth control, if anything, and how they dealt with their menstrual cycles. In societies where women played an active role in every day life, or where they had some degree of authority, I imagine they must have found some way to not be incapacitated during their periods.<br /><br />When I went to see the Sex and the City movie, Sara Jessica-Parker's character, Carrie, is reading a book about the love letter of great men. They were love letters written by Beethoven and other famous/accomplished men in history.<br /><br />It made me wonder: What kind of a women stole their hearts? What kind of women were they that these men of great renown were smitten? We hear little of women at all, and little of wives in general, but we all know that these wives (and wives today) played the supporting role that affected every day life for each of these men.<br /><br />Did these women whisper words of wisdom? Did they suggest things that sparked an invention? Did they ask questions and solve riddles at the breakfast tables of their famous partners? All-in-all I wonder how much of what we attribute to men was the work of women all along.<br /><br />Even in the Bible, the women further the plot, from Eve taking the first bite, to the feuds between the mothers/wives of famous men. From Deborah, Ruth, to Mary and Martha, there are countless women silent in written history; they fed, clothed, nurtured and loved the men who 'made history'... and conveniently left them out.Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-70803600296016481102008-10-13T16:35:00.000-07:002008-10-13T16:39:59.059-07:00<a href="http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1847151,00.html">http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1847151,00.html</a><br /><br /><br />I found this story truly inspiring.Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-8756469128237097932008-07-17T21:58:00.000-07:002008-11-13T12:28:29.028-08:00Birthdays, Kegs and Summer<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SIBCGlgvhZI/AAAAAAAAAAw/72UdnD391ds/s1600-h/jossicarrusel.jpeg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 412px; height: 311px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SIBCGlgvhZI/AAAAAAAAAAw/72UdnD391ds/s400/jossicarrusel.jpeg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224248248665867666" border="0" /></a>It's been a great summer this year. I'm so glad I didn't take any classes.<br /><div style="text-align: right;"><br />Though I'm working full-time, it's only 32-hours, so life is pretty laid back. I have Jossie every other week and every other holiday, and even though I miss her like crazy when she's not around, I truly enjoy my quiet time alone. And my quiet time with Tennessee.<br /><br />The other day I took Jossie to the arcade and she rode that ridiculous carousel, like, 8 times, I'm not even kidding you. Towards the last couple of times she would get off and run and sit on another horse while the carousel turned, laughing herself silly.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SIBCG1SoQPI/AAAAAAAAAA4/NmmP-vitau4/s1600-h/jossiedessert.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 402px; height: 432px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SIBCG1SoQPI/AAAAAAAAAA4/NmmP-vitau4/s400/jossiedessert.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224248252901638386" border="0" /></a><br />It was kind of a challege to get her out of there in time to for her gymastics class. Oh, yeah, Jossie's started gymnastics. It's awesome! I love watching her, and she really has a good time while she's there, stretching, running, jumping and going over obstacles.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SIBCHUzZV8I/AAAAAAAAABA/L7U8Z_wIlgI/s1600-h/jossiehugs.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SIBCHUzZV8I/AAAAAAAAABA/L7U8Z_wIlgI/s400/jossiehugs.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224248261360572354" border="0" /></a>Her birthday fell in the middle of the week so I'll be having her birthday party this weekend. Despite that, I decided to take her to the playground on the actual day of her birthday and play till she dropped and then take her out to eat. We ate with my parents at 'The Shanty', and two pictures up is a shot of Jossie while we sang happy birthday to her before she blew out the candle on the sundae they served her there.<br /><br />My little brothers are really good with her, and as you can see from the pic, she adores them, especially the older one, since he's a lot more patient. Is it a strangle-hold or a hug? You decide!<br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SIBCIuuJhvI/AAAAAAAAABQ/xC6Q0KV-hFs/s1600-h/kegs.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 395px; height: 297px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SIBCIuuJhvI/AAAAAAAAABQ/xC6Q0KV-hFs/s400/kegs.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224248285497755378" border="0" /></a>Tennessee and I have gone tubing only once this summer, but Jossie's been seeing a lot of time at the splash park...and by extension so have we.<br /><br />Between movies, scrabble games, coffee houses and eating out, we've been enjoying our break from school. 'The Kegs' has been an all-time favorite for us this summer, in all its deep-friend and cherry-coked glory.<br /><br />I'll be spending all day tomorrow prepping for Jossie's party and I'm pretty darned excited!<br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SIBCHt84ttI/AAAAAAAAABI/vrC2r-sM3ek/s1600-h/jossisplashpark.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SIBCHt84ttI/AAAAAAAAABI/vrC2r-sM3ek/s400/jossisplashpark.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224248268111263442" border="0" /></a>Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1788187727305944689.post-65248389243296743772008-07-10T15:13:00.000-07:002008-11-13T12:28:29.676-08:00Fourth of July<div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221512528568541538" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SHaJ-t-UYWI/AAAAAAAAAAM/wMSEl304PRM/s320/DSCI0132.JPG" border="0" /><span style="color:#330033;">Tennessee and I went to the sculpture park in "The Cities" (Minneapolis-St.Paul). It was pretty fun. We posed with many of the sculptures, causing many fellow sight-seers to either watch us with amusement or leer in disdain at our childish behavior.</span></div><br /><br /><div><span style="color:#330033;"></span></div><br /><div><span style="color:#330033;">We went to a pool party and swam all around, squirting his twin brother and his girlfriend with water guns. It was the fourth, after all, so we had to commemorate that fight for Independence with some guns and violence, no?<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SHaN-EuLxTI/AAAAAAAAAAc/patTwMDp6Lc/s1600-h/DSCI0153.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221516915541525810" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_8iOgjjVs1Cg/SHaN-EuLxTI/AAAAAAAAAAc/patTwMDp6Lc/s320/DSCI0153.JPG" border="0" /></a></span></div><br /><br /><div><span style="color:#330033;"></span></div><br /><br /><div><span style="color:#330033;"></span></div><br /><br /><div></div>Bitter Heavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05314941047127808259noreply@blogger.com0